I'm going to jail i love you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
