No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
