I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
tell me about the eggs
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
