You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
