Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
