Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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