If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
