eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
