Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
