Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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