If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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