My hair reeks of homosexuality.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
