Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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