I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
