I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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