It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
