You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
