I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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