you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize