You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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