There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think I just sharted jello shots
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