You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
