i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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