Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dicks are not precious.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
