If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
