I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
