dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
