soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
