If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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