dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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