he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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