i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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