I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
