That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
