remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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