i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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