i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
