Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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