Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
