pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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