I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
