So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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