There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So many bounce houses so little time
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
