Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nutella sex= disaster
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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