wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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