I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
