It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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