Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
