Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
