Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
