saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
