Kareoke will never be a sober sport
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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