Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
