I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
