They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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