I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
