my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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