I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
