if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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