Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
