he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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