I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
