never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
