Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
