Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
