It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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