I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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