Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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