No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
