thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
