We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
