Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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