Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
