dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
