If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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