She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize