They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
