How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
